Dealing with Conflict and Disagreements

by | 18 Nov, 2012

We have all experienced disagreements at various times in our lives. They can be uncomfortable, people (including us at times) can get carried away with their views and can say things that later on they might regret.

The more passionate we are about the subject matter the more scope exists for that passion to turn dark and get out of hand.

The ego wants to be right, to win, and to make the other person and their opinions wrong. This happens even with spiritual people: spiritual ego is one of the last things in us to heal, and it is responsible for warping guidance such that we feel justified in holding a grudge against, or blaming our beloved, instead of doing the inner work and making something good of the opportunity that conflict delivers us. Rather than forgive, we blame. Instead of seeking peace, we denounce and judge. We want to have the last word, and we want people to take our side. It is a pretty common story, it’s been going on for thousands of years, and if it is going to stop, then we personally need to get better at disagreeing. We can learn to do it respectfully, assertively, constructively and peacefully.

When things go wrong, if people pick on us, call us names or demonise us, we have a choice. We can do the same thing back to them, giving as good as we get, which gives the ego a lot of satisfaction! Unfortunately it shrinks our energy and causes our Atma or higher consciousness to recede.  The spiritually realised person seeks to transmute the negative energy, not adding our own energy to the conflict, but instead retaining compassion and respect for the beloved, even when they are having a really bad day and are talking garbage! Being able to retain a high vibrational response even when people are being unreasonable, judgmental, unfair, jealous, irrational, defamatory, vindictive and ungrateful is a sign of spiritual realisation. My view is that you never really know a person until you have disagreed with them.

In our school put a lot of work into cleaning up our vibration, analysing situations where we make mistakes and rectifying them. IYS therapy is amazing in its ability to transmute negativity into something constructive and wholesome. Tell your IYS therapist if you are having relationship issues, and together you can do the inner work to heal them.

In our mystery school we don’t just waft off and have fun travelling about the universe on the inner plane. Actually, we do that as well. But importantly, we put a lot of work into cleaning up our vibration, analysing situations where we make mistakes and rectifying them.

Practicing the art of relationships to me is the advanced class in spirituality. It is where the rubber of our development hits the road. It’s where we see our patterns, our progress, our growing edges, and our victories of love, gentleness, authenticity and kindness. 

Our seminars from Conflict to Connection, Empowering Relationships and Yoga of the Mind will all give you insight into the way of peace, with grounded and practical tools for growth. Our path of ease and grace remains the foundation that enables spiritual emergence rather than emergency, and prevents the syndrome of a spiritual castle built upon sand tumbling over into the waters of the next emotional encounter.

Blessings upon you, your family, friends and loved ones. May you all find true love and happiness.

While you might have read it before, I urge you to remember the prayer of Mother Theresa, (below) which I am sure she wrote after having had some situation arise where she was on the receiving end of someone else’s vitriol and she might have wondered why she bothered. The prayer expresses an attitude that is full of Divine hope and strength. It is full of courage, heart and soul. I think it is a good one to laminate and stick on the fridge!

Loads of love, Shakti Durga

Mother Teresa’s Prayer
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and the Divine.  It was never between you and them anyway.




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